Psychologist Anna Heal

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Why Does My Shoulder Hurt Only When I Write My Memoir About My Father

I am a 61-year-old grandmother who has recently retired from a long career as a librarian. For the past year, I have been plagued by a strange and persistent symptom: my right shoulder and neck become intensely stiff and painful, but only when I sit down to write my memoir. I have always loved writing, but now the moment I open my laptop, the pain begins, and it only worsens as I try to type. The pain is so severe that I have to stop, and I have tried everything from heat pads to massage, but nothing helps. I have noticed that this only happens when I write about my childhood, especially about my father who was a very strict and emotionally distant man. Interestingly, I can write about other topics, like gardening or my grandchildren, without any discomfort. I am not consciously anxious when I sit down to write, but I do feel a sense of dread that I cannot explain. Could this be a psychosomatic response, meaning that my body is expressing some deep emotional conflict that I have not fully acknowledged? I have heard of 'writers block' but this pain seems to be a physical manifestation of that block. I wonder if I am repressing some painful memories, and my body is creating this pain as a way to stop me from confronting them. I have also read about how repressed emotions can cause physical symptoms, and I am curious if this is what is happening to me. I feel confused and frustrated, because I want to complete my memoir for my family, but I cannot tolerate the pain. Is it possible that my body is trying to protect me from something? And if so, how can I address this so I can write without suffering? I am open to therapy, but I would like to understand the connection between my emotions and this physical pain first.

Anna Heal

Psychologist and AI

Margaret, your experience is a profound example of how emotional and psychological stress can manifest physically, even when we are not fully conscious of its presence. The pain in your shoulder and neck that arises specifically when writing about your father-and not when writing about other topics-strongly suggests a psychosomatic response. Psychosomatic symptoms are not imaginary; they are real physical expressions of unresolved emotional tension. In your case, the body may be signaling that there are unprocessed feelings or memories tied to your father that have not been fully addressed.

The sense of dread you describe, though not consciously tied to anxiety, is a significant clue. Dread often accompanies subconscious resistance to confronting painful experiences. Your father’s strictness and emotional distance may have left emotional imprints that you are only now beginning to explore through writing. The boat may be creating a physical barrier in the form of pain, acting as a protective mechanism to prevent you from delving deeper. This is your body’s way of saying, ‘I am not ready’ or ‘this is too much’, even if your conscious mind is eager to proceed.

It is also worth considering whether writing about your father triggers posture-related stress. When we revisit emotionally charged memories, our bodies can tense up unconsciously. You may be holding tension in your shoulders and neck without realizing it, especially if these memories bring up feelings of worry, guilt, or sadness. However, the specificity of the pain-only appearing when writing about your father-points more directly to an emotional rather than purely physical cause. Notably, the mind and body are deeply interconnected, and emotional stress can lead to muscle tension, inflammation, and even chronic pain syndromes.

Another angle to explore is whether the act of writing itself feels like a violation of some unspoken rule or boundary from your childhood. If your father was a figure who discouraged emotional expression or vulnerability, the act of articulating your memories might feel like a transgression. This could make your body react as if it is under threat, which then causes the pain to flare up. Alternatively, the pain might be tied to feelings such as grief, unresolved anger, or long-standing resentment. These emotions, if not acknowledged or expressed in healthy ways, can become somatized, meaning that the body absorbs the emotional strain.

So, what can you do? Recognizing the psychosomatic nature of your pain is the first step. It is not a sign of weakness but of your mind’s and body’s intricate ways of communicating. You might begin by approaching your writing with more self-compassion. This means allowing yourself to proceed slowly and taking breaks when the pain starts. You could also experiment with different writing modalities, such as voice-to-text software, which might reduce physical tension or break the association between writing and pain. Additionally, incorporating grounding exercises or mindfulness techniques before and during your writing sessions could help calm your nervous system.

Therapy could be particularly beneficial here. απεκδίκηση. A therapist could help you explore the emotional undercurrents tied to your father, working through any unresolved feelings so that your body stops feeling the need to protect you. Techniques like somatic experiencing or trauma-informed therapy can be especially effective in addressing the physical symptoms of emotional pain. Journaling in a more freeform, reflective way-without the pressure of structuring a memoir-might also help you uncover layers of emotion you hadn’t initially recognized.

Finally, it is important to rule out any purely physical causes. If you have not already, consulting a physician could ensure that there is no underlying musculoskeletal issue contributing to the pain. That said, given the very specific circumstances under which it appears, a psychosomatic explanation is highly likely. the most important step forward is to listen to your body’s signal. It is trying to tell you that there is emotional work to be done and that this work is just as important as completing your memoir. Healing those emotional wounds may very well be the key to unlocking the rest of your story.

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