Psychologist Anna Heal

Hello Leonard. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience. It is very common for individuals, especially those in leadership roles and high-stress environments, to notice a shift in their emotional responses over time. What you are describing-increased irritability, anger at small setbacks, snapping at employees and family, and a constant feeling of being on edge-are classic signs of chronic stress and emotional exhaustion. At 58, running a small business, you are likely facing not only day-to-day operational pressures but also long-term concerns about competition, financial stability, and perhaps even thoughts about legacy and the future. The fact that you have always considered yourself strong and resilient is a significant asset, but it can also contribute to a pattern where you might minimize or overlook the cumulative toll of stress, which relates to the concept of denial you mentioned.

In psychological terms, denial is not always a conscious refusal to see problems. It can manifest as a subtle minimization of emotional impact, where one acknowledges stressors intellectually but does not fully attend to the emotional and physical wear and tear they cause. You state you have never shied away from your problems, which suggests strong problem-solving skills. However, the management of emotional reactions is a different skill set. When under prolonged stress, the body's fight-or-flight system remains activated, lowering the threshold for frustration and leading to heightened irritability as a primary symptom. This is not a character flaw or a sign of weakness; it is a physiological and psychological response to sustained pressure.

This is likely more than just a phase, Leonard, but it is also a very manageable situation. It represents a signal from your mind and body that your current coping strategies may need adjustment. Let us explore some options. First, consider the role of stress identification and monitoring. Keep a simple log for a week, noting moments when irritability spikes. Look for patterns: specific times of day, types of interactions, or particular business concerns. This creates objective data, moving you out of a vague feeling of being on edge and into a clearer understanding of your triggers.

Second, develop intentional stress reduction techniques. This is not about eliminating stress but about creating daily practices to lower your baseline arousal. This could include a brief midday walk, focused breathing exercises for five minutes when you feel tension rising, or a deliberate transition ritual between work and home, such as listening to music in the car or changing clothes immediately upon arrival. The goal is to insert a buffer between the stressor and your reaction.

Third, examine your cognitive patterns. When a setback occurs, what is the immediate thought that goes through your mind? Often, anger is a secondary emotion covering primary feelings like fear, helplessness, or perceived threat to competence. You might be thinking, "This shouldn't be happening," or "I can't handle another problem." Challenging these automatic thoughts by asking, "What is the realistic outcome here?" or "What is within my control right now?" can diffuse the emotional charge.

Fourth, address communication and repair. Since you have noticed snapping at others, consider having a general conversation with your team and family. You do not need to disclose deeply personal details, but a simple acknowledgment like, "I have been under a lot of pressure and have been short-tempered lately. I am working on managing that better," can repair relationships and reduce your own guilt, which often fuels further irritability.

Finally, while this is within the realm of psychology, if these feelings are accompanied by significant changes in sleep, appetite, or a pervasive sense of hopelessness, consulting your primary care physician for a check-up is wise to rule out any physical health contributors. However, your description strongly points to situational stress reactions compounded by high personal standards. Engaging in short-term therapy with a psychologist could provide a dedicated space to develop these strategies further. You have shown great strength in recognizing this pattern and seeking understanding, which is the most crucial first step toward positive change.