Psychologist Anna Heal

Thank you for your question, Martin. It is understandable to be concerned about your daughter's well-being after such a disappointing experience. First, it is important to clarify that as a psychologist for adults, I work with individuals aged 18 and over. Therefore, I cannot provide specific therapeutic advice for a 12-year-old. The situation you describe involving a child requires consultation with a qualified child or adolescent psychologist or a licensed family therapist who can assess her directly. However, I can offer some general psychological principles regarding supporting a child through failure and fostering resilience that may be helpful for you to consider as a parent.

The core issue appears to be her shift from intrinsic joy in dance to a focus on external validation through winning. Your goal is to help her reconnect with the intrinsic joy of movement. Dance therapy, or more accurately dance/movement therapy facilitated by a credentialed professional, can indeed be a wonderful modality for children to express emotions non-verbally and rebuild a positive relationship with their bodies. However, it must be delivered by a therapist trained to work with children. A more immediate step is to validate her feelings without immediately trying to fix them. Acknowledge her disappointment and let her know it is okay to feel sad or angry. Avoid comparisons or platitudes like "you'll win next time." Instead, focus on effort and the process over the outcome. You can reflect on what she enjoys about dancing itself, separate from competitions.

At home, create a low-pressure environment regarding dance. Do not force practice or discussion about lessons. Encourage other activities and hobbies that bring her joy and a sense of mastery without competition. The chronic stress symptoms like sleep difficulties and irritability are significant and warrant attention. While some stress is normal, persistent symptoms should be evaluated by her pediatrician to rule out other causes and to discuss stress management techniques for children. Your role is to provide unconditional support and love, emphasizing that her worth is not tied to trophies. Consider if the competitive environment is currently serving her well; a break or a shift to a more recreational focus might be beneficial. Ultimately, professional guidance from a child specialist is crucial to ensure her emotional needs are met appropriately and to help her develop healthy coping mechanisms for setbacks, which is a vital life skill.