Psychologist Anna Heal

Gregory, what you are experiencing is a completely normal and understandable reaction to an abnormal and deeply distressing event. Witnessing a violent armed robbery, especially in a place where you hold leadership and feel responsible for your team, is a significant psychological trauma. The symptoms you describe-intrusive thoughts and memories, hypervigilance and startle response, sleep disturbances, irritability and mood changes, and withdrawal from relationships-are classic signs of an acute stress reaction, which can develop into post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) if not addressed. The first and most crucial step is to acknowledge that your reaction is not a sign of weakness, but your mind and body's way of processing a profound threat.

To begin processing this, I strongly recommend seeking professional support from a trauma-informed therapist. Look for a psychologist who specializes in trauma and uses evidence-based approaches like Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). These therapies are specifically designed to help you process the traumatic memory, challenge unhelpful thoughts like self-blame ("what I could have done differently"), and reduce the power of the triggers you are experiencing. This is not something you need to navigate alone, and a professional can provide a safe, structured space for healing.

Alongside therapy, there are supportive practices you can integrate. Grounding techniques can be invaluable when you feel overwhelmed or startled. These involve focusing on your immediate physical senses-what you can see, touch, hear, smell-to anchor yourself in the present moment when memories or anxiety surge. Regarding sleep, establishing a consistent and calming bedtime routine is essential. This might involve avoiding screens before bed, practicing deep breathing, or using white noise to mask startling sounds. At work, consider having an open conversation with HR or upper management about the incident's impact. They may offer Employee Assistance Program (EAP) counseling or support adjustments to your role temporarily as you recover. Leadership after trauma often requires acknowledging the shared experience; connecting with your team about the event, if done appropriately, can foster mutual support rather than isolation.

Finally, gently reinvest in your relationship with your wife. She has noticed the change, which means she cares. You might explain, when you feel able, that you are struggling with the after-effects of the robbery and that your distance or irritability is not about her. Simply sharing that can relieve pressure on both of you. Gentle physical activity, like walking, can help regulate your nervous system, and mindfulness or meditation practices can increase your tolerance for difficult emotions. Be patient with yourself. Recovery from psychological trauma is not linear; there will be better days and harder days. The goal is not to erase the memory, but to integrate the experience so it no longer controls your present. By taking these steps-professional help, practical coping strategies, and reconnecting with support-you can lift the shadow and move forward.