Psychologist Anna Heal

It’s never too late to start building inner confidence and to shift away from the exhausting pattern of people-pleasing. At 46, you have a wealth of life experience that can serve as a foundation for growth, even if your doubts currently feel overwhelming. The first step is developing a stronger connection with your own values and desires. Since you mentioned feeling disconnected from what you truly want or believe, a helpful practice is setting aside daily moments of quiet reflection, where you check in with yourself about how you feel, what excites you, and what boundaries you’d like to establish. This can be done through journaling or simply sitting in stillness and asking yourself honest questions without judgment.

Building confidence also involves recognizing and challenging the underlying fears driving your people-pleasing. Often, the fear of criticism or disapproval stems from a deep need for acceptance or a fear of rejection. By gently exploring these fears, perhaps in your private reflections, you can start to separate your self-worth from external validation. Remember that your value is not defined by others’ opinions or by always being agreeable. This internal work takes time, but it is powerful in shifting your mindset from fear to self-acceptance.

Practically, it helps to begin asserting yourself in small ways that feel manageable. For example, in meetings at work, you might start by voicing your ideas internally first and then practicing sharing one idea aloud, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Notice that speaking up does not lead to catastrophe; over time, this helps to build the habit and the confidence that your contributions are valuable. At home, experiment with politely declining requests that don’t align with your energy or priorities. You can communicate your boundaries clearly without fear of causing conflict-conflict isn’t inherently negative and can sometimes be necessary for healthy relationships to grow.

Remember to celebrate your progress, however small. Each time you act authentically and honor your own needs, you reinforce your inner strength. Surrounding yourself with supportive people who respect you for who you are can also foster this growth and reduce feelings of isolation. If certain relationships consistently undermine your confidence or fuel your people-pleasing, it’s worth evaluating how much space they should occupy in your life.

Finally, consider working with a therapist or a professional coach who specializes in adult confidence and self-esteem. They can guide you in uncovering limiting beliefs and building practical strategies tailored to your unique experiences. The goal is to cultivate a resilient, self-compassionate inner voice that sustains you even when external validation isn’t available. Your creative background as a graphic designer is an asset here, as creativity often means taking risks and learning from mistakes-apply that mindset to your personal growth journey as well. Over time, you can transform self-doubt into self-trust and gain freedom from the need to please others at the expense of your own happiness.