Psychologist Anna Heal

Hello Marjorie. Thank you for describing this so clearly. I hear the fear, the rebound rebellion, and the frustration of feeling stuck professionally because of patterns that began in childhood. You are an adult now, and you can work with those patterns rather than letting them keep deciding for you.

First, it can help to name what is happening. Many people who grow up around financial conflict develop money scripts, automatic stories about worth, safety, and danger tied to money. Freezing, hoarding, and rebellious spending are all understandable responses to those early messages. Naming these responses as learned survival strategies, not as character flaws, is an important first step toward change.

If you are curious about gestalt work, you can apply its core idea of focusing on the here and now to money decisions. Try a short, structured exercise at home. Sit with a single decision you are avoiding, for example whether to accept a promotion that involves managing a budget. Put a chair across from you and imagine your younger self sitting there, or imagine the part of you that learned to fear money. Speak to that chair in the present tense using simple statements beginning with I. Notice bodily sensations as you speak, name them out loud, and then change roles and answer from the other chair. The goal is to increase awareness of what shows up in the body and voice when you face money choices, and to bring curiosity rather than judgment to those responses. If this becomes intense, stop and ground yourself by naming five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste, and consider doing this work with a trained therapist.

Complement gestalt awareness with practical safe experiments. Create small, lowrisk opportunities to practice decision making. For example set up a separate account for a small monthly investment or for discretionary spending and make one decision about it each month. Practice negotiating by scripting and role playing a short script with a trusted friend, or track a tiny raise conversation using numbers and a one minute opener. Repeated, small exposures reduce fear more reliably than big leaps. Track wins and setbacks, and treat errors as data, not disasters.

Work on the beliefs behind the behavior. Spend time writing out the stories that show up when you imagine managing a budget or asking for more money. Challenge those thoughts with evidence, and create alternative, realistic statements you can repeat when anxiety rises. Use a simple pre mortem before a decision by asking what might go wrong, how likely that is, and how you would respond. This turns vague catastrophic fear into concrete problems you can plan for.

On the career side, you do not have to accept the largest task first. Volunteer to manage a small project budget, shadow the current budget holder, or propose a pilot where you manage a modest line item. Ask for mentorship on the technical aspects and ask colleagues to review your early budgets. Framing the promotion as a skill growth opportunity rather than a test of character can reduce shame and increase learning.

Consider combining therapeutic work with pragmatic support. A therapist experienced with adult trauma, money issues, or gestalt methods can help you do the inner work safely. A certified financial planner or a career coach can provide skill building and accountability so you feel less alone as you practice. These supports are complementary, not replacements for each other.

Finally, cultivate self compassion as you experiment. Change happens in small steps. Celebrate attempts as much as outcomes, and keep a simple progress log so you can see forward motion even when anxiety is loud. You do not need to erase the past to build a different future; you can learn to respond to money from a place of present competence and care instead of childhood fear.

If you want a short plan to start tomorrow, try this: pick one small financial decision to make this week, do a five minute gestalt awareness check in beforehand, commit to one concrete action, and note what you learned afterward. Repeat weekly and add a supportive conversation with a mentor or therapist every few weeks. Over time those small practices change the felt experience of making money decisions and open the door for professional growth.

Warmly, Anna Heal