Psychologist Anna Heal

Marina, what you're describing sounds like a complex interplay between your body's sensory response and your emotional state. The fact that you don't feel unhappy with your partner and still enjoy solo intimacy suggests that the issue isn't related to your fundamental sense of self or desire, but rather to how your body experiences touch in the context of stress and boundaries. Your new high-stress job, where you're constantly 'on,' may have created a state of heightened alertness or tension in your nervous system. In such cases, the body can develop a protective mechanism by becoming hypersensitive to physical contact as a way to manage overwhelming stimuli. This may happen subconsciously, meaning your mind doesn't consciously reject intimacy, but your body reacts automatically to perceived intrusion or overwhelm.

It's important to recognize that this kind of reaction is not a sign that you are 'broken.' Instead, it is a signal from your body and mind that they need space to recalibrate and recover. Stress can profoundly affect how we respond to sensory input, and the sudden aversion to touch may be your way of establishing necessary boundaries to maintain your wellbeing. This is also why the reaction extends to friends, family, and even casual touch, as the system reacts globally rather than specifically.

To begin unpacking this, you might consider approaches that allow you to gently explore comfort with touch in a safe and controlled manner. Mindfulness practices, body awareness exercises, or even somatic therapy techniques can help you reconnect with your bodily sensations and reduce the protective tension. Communication with your partner is crucial – expressing that your withdrawal is about internal coping rather than lack of affection can help them feel reassured rather than rejected. Sharing your experiences honestly and inviting their patience and understanding creates a supportive environment.

It may also be beneficial to engage a psychologist who specializes in stress management and somatic experiences to guide you through this process. These professionals can help you develop strategies to soothe your nervous system and gradually restore comfort with touch without pressure. Remember, this is a journey of self-discovery and healing rather than a problem to fix overnight.

Overall, the key is to honor what your body is telling you, communicate openly, and seek supportive tools to navigate this phase. Your awareness and willingness to understand your experience are powerful assets on this path.