Psychologist Anna Heal

Hello Lena, thank you for sharing your deeply personal and distressing experience. What you are describing is a very common psychological phenomenon for individuals who have experienced significant relational trauma, such as infidelity. Your insight that your body may be holding onto the trauma even though your mind knows you are safe is quite astute. This is not typically considered psychosomatic in the sense of causing a purely physical illness, but it is a clear sign of unprocessed emotional trauma resurfacing. The nightmares are a classic symptom of post-traumatic stress, where the subconscious mind replays threatening scenarios, often as you enter a new phase of safety and vulnerability, like your remarriage.

Your brain, having been wired to anticipate betrayal from your first marriage, is now in a state of hypervigilance. It is trying to protect you by rehearsing the worst-case scenario, even though your conscious reality is secure. This creates a painful disconnect between your logical understanding and your emotional and physiological responses. The snapping at your husband is a direct result of this heightened anxiety and the exhaustion from poor sleep; it is a defense mechanism, not a reflection of your feelings for him. This cycle of fear and guilt is what risks damaging your relationship, not the dreams themselves.

To stop this cycle, the core work involves processing the old trauma so it no longer intrudes on your present. I strongly recommend seeking a qualified therapist who specializes in trauma-focused approaches, such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or somatic experiencing. These therapies are particularly effective for moving traumatic memories from a reactive, emotional state to a more neutral, narrative one. In the meantime, practices like grounding techniques upon waking from a nightmare can help calm your nervous system. You might also consider establishing a calming bedtime routine and, with your husband's support, openly discussing these dreams during a calm daytime moment to reduce their secret power. This is a process of retraining your nervous system to recognize that your present is different from your past, allowing you to fully embrace the love and security you have now.