Psychologist Anna Heal

Hello Maya. Thank you for sharing this deeply personal and distressing experience. The connection you are describing between your obsessive thoughts and the severe physical symptoms is a classic presentation of a psychosomatic condition. The stomach pain and nausea are very likely your body's physiological response to intense psychological distress, acting as a somatic expression of anxiety. This is not a sign of a fabricated illness but a real, physical manifestation of emotional turmoil.

The pattern you describe-obsessive thoughts, compulsive checking behaviors, and an overwhelming need for reassurance-strongly aligns with features of relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD). In ROCD, individuals become fixated on doubts about their partner or the relationship's "rightness," leading to significant anxiety and compulsive rituals (like checking social media) to neutralize the distress. The physical symptoms are a direct result of this heightened, chronic state of anxiety activating your body's stress response system.

While the terms "love addiction" or "existential crisis" might resonate, they are less precise clinical frameworks. What you are experiencing points more toward an anxiety-based obsessive pattern rooted in underlying insecurities. These insecurities may relate to self-worth, fear of abandonment, or past relational wounds, but they have now crystallized around the specific theme of your partner's past. The physical pain serves as a powerful, distracting signal that something feels threatening, even if the threat is not current or real.

It is crucial to address this from both angles. A medical check-up is always wise to rule out any coincidental gastrointestinal issues. However, the primary path forward is psychological. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), particularly with a focus on Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), is highly effective for breaking the cycle of obsessive thoughts and compulsive reassurance-seeking. Therapy can help you develop tolerance for uncertainty, challenge the catastrophic meanings you attach to your partner's past, and manage the anxiety without resorting to behaviors that ultimately reinforce your fears. The goal is not to eliminate all thoughts of his past, but to reduce their emotional and physical power over you, allowing you to reconnect with the security of your present relationship.