Psychologist Anna Heal

Hi Liora, first, I want to acknowledge the immense emotional burden you are carrying. Working in a high-stress ICU environment, especially over many years, naturally deepens your connections with patients, making loss profoundly painful. The feelings of guilt and grief you're experiencing are understandable and valid. Empathy is a strength, but it can become overwhelming without boundaries.

It’s important to find a balance between compassion and self-care. Mindfulness meditation is a good start, but sometimes 10 minutes daily might not be enough to manage such intense emotions. You might explore other relaxation techniques or longer mindfulness practices that focus on self-compassion, which encourage kindness toward yourself rather than just awareness. Setting clear emotional boundaries can be challenging, but it doesn’t mean detaching coldly or losing your values. Instead, it’s about developing practical ways to protect your emotional energy so that you can continue to care effectively without being consumed by pain.

One approach is to create a ritual at work or after your shift that helps you symbolically leave work stress behind. It could be a brief breathing exercise, journaling your feelings, or even talking with a trusted colleague about the day's difficulties. These acts help compartmentalize your empathy so it doesn’t overflow into your personal life. Also, recognizing that you are not responsible for outcomes beyond your control can ease guilt. Loss and death are part of healthcare, but they do not define your competence or worth.

Regarding hypnosis, some find it helpful for trauma reprocessing and reducing anxiety. However, hypnosis should be done by a trained mental health professional who understands your context. It is not a guaranteed or immediate fix, but if you are open to it, exploring therapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) might also give you tools to manage distressing thoughts and feelings effectively.

About using your hospital's free therapy sessions, it's common to worry about stigma, but seeking support demonstrates strength and professionalism. Many healthcare workers benefit greatly from confidential therapy, and institutions generally respect privacy highly. Therapy can provide a safe space to process grief and learn coping strategies, which in turn supports your longevity in this demanding profession.

In short, staying compassionate without being destroyed by empathy involves setting emotional boundaries, practicing sustained self-care, seeking confidential professional support, and reframing your sense of responsibility. You don’t have to carry this weight alone, and being kind to yourself enables you to remain a caring nurse and a whole person.