Psychologist Anna Heal

Hello Leo. Thank you for reaching out and for your profound honesty. The situation you describe is incredibly demanding, and your feelings are a valid and understandable response to the immense pressures you are facing. You are asking a crucial question: is this a depressive state or an extreme reaction to circumstances? The answer is likely both. What you are experiencing sounds like a significant depressive episode triggered by and intertwined with extreme, chronic stress. The symptoms you list-feeling hollow, irritable, deeply sad, losing interest in hobbies, having terrible sleep, and snapping followed by guilt-are classic indicators of depression. The role of the family rock, while a source of pride, can become a psychological burden that prevents you from acknowledging your own needs and vulnerabilities.

Your son's autism diagnosis represents a major life transition, involving grief for the future you imagined and the daunting task of navigating a new reality. The constant appointments and behavioral challenges lead to chronic caregiver stress, which is exhausting and emotionally depleting. It is vital to understand that your struggle with intimacy and premature ejaculation is almost certainly a symptom of this overwhelming stress and depression, not a cause. The pressure to perform, combined with exhaustion and low mood, directly impacts sexual function, creating a painful cycle of frustration and distance. This is a common physiological and psychological response, not a personal failing.

To navigate this, you must first address your own mental health. I strongly recommend seeking a professional psychological assessment. A therapist can provide a formal diagnosis for depression and, crucially, offer evidence-based strategies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to manage your mood, stress, and thought patterns. Therapy can also be a safe space to process the grief and fear related to your son's diagnosis. Secondly, you need to redefine strength. True strength for your family now may look like modeling self-care and asking for help. This could mean speaking with your wife about your internal struggle, seeking couples counseling to improve communication and intimacy, or finding a support group for fathers of children with autism. Sharing the load is essential.

Practically, you must schedule self-care as non-negotiable. Even small acts, like a short walk, listening to music, or a few minutes of deep breathing, can help regulate your nervous system. Regarding your son's needs, work with your wife to create a sustainable routine that includes breaks for both of you. Explore resources for parents, which can provide practical strategies and reduce the feeling of navigating alone. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. By addressing your depression and allowing yourself to be human, you build a more resilient and authentic foundation from which to support your family. This journey is about sustainable support, not solitary heroism.