Psychologist Anna Heal

Hello Michael. I hear how frightened and worn down you are, and that makes complete sense given what you have been living through for eight months. You are not losing your mind. What you are describing is a real experience, and there are several possibilities that can overlap, so let us look at them carefully without jumping to a single conclusion.

First, gaslighting is a pattern of manipulation where someone repeatedly denies events, distorts facts, or questions your sanity so that you begin to doubt your own memory and perception. The example you gave, where your partner said she never promised to attend your work dinner even though you have a text from her, is a classic red flag. The fact that you have started secretly recording conversations shows how much you have lost trust in your own recall. That is not a sign of madness. It is a sign that you are trying to hold onto reality in a confusing environment. Keeping a private log of events with dates, times, and screenshots can help you test your memory against objective evidence. Do not confront your partner with the log unless you feel safe doing so, and consider whether you have a trusted friend or family member who can act as a reality check.

Second, chronic fatigue syndrome, also called myalgic encephalomyelitis, is a real medical condition that causes profound exhaustion not relieved by rest, along with problems with memory, focus, and dizziness. Your symptoms of sleeping nine hours and still feeling exhausted, getting dizzy, and struggling at work are consistent with that diagnosis, but they are also consistent with many other conditions. You need a full medical workup from a physician, not a psychologist, to rule out anemia, thyroid problems, sleep apnea, autoimmune diseases, vitamin deficiencies, and hormonal imbalances. Do not self diagnose. Ask your doctor for a complete blood count, thyroid panel, metabolic panel, vitamin B12 and D levels, and a sleep study if indicated. Also mention the dizziness and focus problems specifically, because those can point to different causes than fatigue alone.

Third, chronic stress and emotional abuse can absolutely produce physical exhaustion, dizziness, and cognitive fog. When you are constantly arguing, walking on eggshells, and doubting your own mind, your body stays in a fight or flight state. Over months, that depletes your energy, disrupts sleep quality even if the duration looks fine, and makes concentration nearly impossible. This is not weakness. It is a physiological response to an unsustainable situation. The two possibilities are not mutually exclusive. You could have a medical condition that makes you more vulnerable to gaslighting, or the gaslighting could be causing or worsening a medical condition, or both could be happening at once.

What can you do to figure this out? Start with a medical evaluation as soon as possible. Tell your doctor exactly what you told me, including the memory doubts and the secret recordings, because that context matters. While you wait for appointments, document your symptoms and the incidents in a private notebook or phone app. Note when you feel dizzy, how long you slept, and what was happening in your relationship at those times. This will help both you and your doctor see patterns. Seek individual therapy with a psychologist who understands coercive control and trauma. A therapist can help you rebuild trust in your own perception and decide what you want to do about your relationship. Do not attend couples counseling with someone who is actively gaslighting you, because that can give the manipulator more ammunition.

You also need to think about your safety and your future. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, and it tends to escalate without intervention. You do not have to make any big decisions today, but you can start by confiding in one person you trust. You can also contact a domestic abuse hotline or local advocacy group, even if you are not sure whether your situation qualifies. They can help you think through options without pressure. Your exhaustion and dizziness are real, and so is your fear. Neither one means you are crazy. They mean you are a human being under enormous strain, and you deserve both medical care and emotional support. Please take the first step this week by calling your doctor and by telling one trusted person what is happening. You are not alone, and you are not losing your mind.